Married less than 2 months - very sad and miserable.?
I got married less than 2 months ago, and I have been nothing but sad and miserable the past few weeks. We dated over 7 years before we tied the knot and we had a considerable amount of problems, so we decided to go see a counselor. We saw the counselor for about 8 weeks, and then it was time for the wedding. We decided to not continue seeing her after the wedding.
My husband has always had anger problems. His anger subsided months before the wedding in anticipation of getting married and being excited. Now that we are married, his anger is back, and we have gotten into three horrible fights so far, two of which he's taken off his ring and said he wanted a divorce.
I have lost my confidence in him considerably. When he says he is sorry, I can't believe him because he keeps doing the same things over and over again, diminishing my hope for us to last very much longer.
Oddly enough, our sex life is amazing. However there is no middleground. We're either fighting or having sex, and that isn't healthy at all.
I don't know what to do. I feel sad, and lost, and lonely and like I am lying to myself. I feel afraid to bring up things that bother me to him, because he just gets upset that I don't "go with the flow" and let things be happy as they are, and just shove the problems under the rug.
What should I do?
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December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
First of all, anger issues do NOT just "go away" unfortunately, but obviously you weren’t aware of this when you got married. I feel you just figured they were gone, so you married him being totally unaware of it. Anger in a person comes from deep inside of them & until they resolve the very "issue" causing it, it’s not going to suddenly disappear or go away, Now you’ve learned this the hard way, I too well know what you mean when you state "I’m sorry" not meaning a thing to you, My ex use to tell me that all the time until he just went out & did the very same thing again, I KNEW he was going to do it again, so to myself I just considered it an "empty meaningless statement" & he can say it all he wants, but it means absolutely nothing. I don’t know IF counseling would do you any good as it sure didn’t help him. Actually, he’s the one who needs the counseling to get to the root of his problems, but he would have to take it seriously which I feel he would NOT do. You do not just sweep things under the rug, this is NOT getting to the main cause of your problems. This is HIS way of dealing w/things - out of site out of mind. It doesn’t hold a thing either but get him off the hook so to speak. The only choice you have is to see how much of it you’re willing to take. IF it gets to be too much, you’re going to have to make up your mind IF you do want to stay in this marriage or not. I held in for 12 yrs. hoping things would change, but they didn’t. I’ve regretted "wasting" all those yrs. of hanging in for nothing when I could have been starting over & at least having a chance of happiness, Mine use to take off his wedding ring to get a tan on his finger so it wouldn’t be noticeable when he took it off & the girls wouldn’t notice he wore a wedding ring, so his was for a different reason than yours is, He cheated in me, & we learned thru counseling he was a womanizer & told to get help just for that area in his life. (which he did NOT do) If you feel you too are hanging in for NO reason, please do not just keep wasting your time for no reason. We too had good sex, but this is NOT going to hold a marriage together, there is MUCH MORE to a marriage than just sex. Please don’t waste precious yrs. of your life as I did. You’ll know when you’ve had enuf, then I’d just tell him it’s over, you just cannot take anymore There IS a special someone out there just for you as there was for me. You just have not met him yet. You would be tho IF you’d be free find him, Don’t accept the unacceptable, you do NOT deserve it. Maybe set a time limit for yourself & that may be of help to you to help make up your mind…I DO wish the best, I DO wish you happiness…:)
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Leave him and don’t look back
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
If it’s only been two months and you are having problems of this magnitude, I’d cut my losses now. Why work on something that is so clearly dead?
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
i would say ignore him, don’t ask questions, or anything like that…if he has a question answer it without making the answer complicated. i think that if you ignore him then he will want you more. try avoiding sex alot; keep it to a limit.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
You’ve only been married two months. See if you can get it annulled. It would be like it never happened.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
you married him….now you got a big job ahead of you….work harder to please him.
btw…he needs to do the same thing
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
welcome to marriage
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Fighting in marriage is normal. Don’t ever expect that two people coming from two different worlds, espousing different lifestyles can get along without fighting. The art of a successful marriage has to do with realizing that neither one of you can get your way and that you need to compromise. In other words to do "this" if you will do "that." This is the only way a marriage can work. More on this in my "source."
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Why do women marry abusive men and wonder why they are terribly unhappy and miserable?
You knew all of this before you married him but yet you still did. You knew there were problems long before you got married but yet you still married him. You knew about his anger issues, and you still married him.
Why did you think you could change him?
I think thats some women’s biggest problem, thinking they can change a man, or that he will change, or that things will get better, or that you want to help him and feel needed and wanted by doing so. But in the cold light of day, he is still the same man!
You married him, fully knowing what kind of man he was. Why would you do that? Thank god you don’t have kids…could you imagine what kind of life they would have?
Seriously..this is your bed, now lie in it.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
OMG… are you married to my ex? I totally understand this issue. I feel for you honey. Anger issues are no good, having to walk on eggshells is not healthy. You can see a counselor by yourself, maybe rebuild some of the self esteem that he has stolen from you, and find yourself again. that’s what i had to do, then i told him what i needed from him, and when he couldn’t do it, i left. Not saying that is what you should do. only you know what feels right, but you have to have enough self worth to know that you deserve to be happy, and safe.. you have to take that back, cause he isn’t gonna give it to you freely.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
I’m sorry to tell you that if you lasted any longer, you will be more and more miserable.
Leave him now, before you have kids with him and things get complicated
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
You should go back to counseling with your husband.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:26 am
The writing was on the wall, but you failed or didn’t want to see it. Divorce him and move on with your life. He isn’t going to change and you would just be wasting your time hoping that he does.